


Under Stjernerne På Himlen

by WafflesAndPancakes



Series: Om stjerner, farver og millionærer [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Flashbacks, Gen, I don't know if this counts as comfort but I don't think so, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Rasmus Seebach, Sad, Songfic, Under Stjerne På Himlen, post-monza, post-spa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-11-02 01:44:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20579978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WafflesAndPancakes/pseuds/WafflesAndPancakes
Summary: Their nights are filled with the memory of the crash. Until Charles comes to think of another memory.OrAt this point, I think I'm a masochist.





	Under Stjernerne På Himlen

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, another fanfic about Anthoine's death.  
And again, this is not for fame or something like that. It is a way of dealing with emotions.
> 
> What a way to start off my (Danish) songfic collection.

_Jeg sætter mig på kanten af din seng,_   
_og du ler til mig._   
_Verden svinder ind til ingenting,_   
_når jeg ser på dig._   
_Du ligger lige så musestille,_   
_og virker ubeskriveligt lille_   
_imellem dine mange sjove dyr._   
_Men i drømmelegen_   
_finder vi to vejen _   
_ud mod nye eventyr._

_I sit down on the edge of your bed_   
_ and you laugh at me_   
_The world disappears_   
_when I look at you_   
_You lay there so quiet_   
_ and look so indescribable small_   
_between all your funny animals_   
_But in the dream game_   
_we two find the way_   
_to new adventures_

“I miss him,” Pierre whispered, leaning closely against Charles. “With every hour more and more.”

They were sitting in Charles’ hotel room in Monza, bodies holding each other up, hands touching. Charles smelled like champagne, the alcoholic beverage still in his hair, a reminiscent of his win. His second win in two weeks and it still felt wrong. In fact, this second win felt even more wrong than the win the week prior. He was winning over and over again, while his friend had found peace in death, doing what he loved doing. This was not fair, he should have been there with them, racing harder than before just to be in Formula One with them. But that would never happen. And Charles started to ask himself if he had ever been destined to drive with them if the universe had ever planned to let him survive the crash.

“I know, Pierre. I feel the same way.”

“Can you sleep at night? Like, a true and good sleep?”

“I think I never will.”

The Frenchman cuddled closer, putting his arm around Charles’ waist, burying his face in his shoulder. Both of them wanted to cry, crying made the pain go away at least for a while, their heads feeling light after hours of crying. But no tears came out, they had cried a lot, too much, in the past days, their bodies were simply empty, there was not a single tear left to cry out.

“Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Always.”

Pierre smiled up at him and laid down on the big bed, knowing that sleep would find him, would find them, at some point of the night, but not now. Not that early into the night, not without seeing the crash again and again in front of his closed eyes, hearing the devastating news about Anthoine so often that it clouded his mind. Charles could sense that something was off, only to see how much his friend was shivering, the events flushing through his head in a never-ending circle. A quiet sigh escaped his lips as he scooted closer, running a hand through his hair.

“Sh… Everything’s going to be alright.”

A memory flashed through his mind, a memory that seemed to be forgotten, but it had in fact only been stored away in the back of his head, a place where it was safe, where it would never be forgotten again. It was one of those memories Charles held on too without even knowing it. And before he knew what was happening, the soft melody of a song long unsung started filling the room. A childhood-song, a song filled with many emotions of the past, a song that was special to him, and only to him, because it stored so many memories of a special person.

  
_Under stjernerne på himlen_   
_sejler du med mig._   
_Luk nu stille dine øjne,_   
_så er vi på vej._   
_Vi sejler over vandet_   
_og ind i drømmelandet,_   
_du og jeg._

_Beneath the stars in the sky_   
_you sail with me._   
_Close your eyes now, quietly_   
_then we are gone._   
_We sail across the water,_   
_and into dreamland,_   
_you and I_

Memories, he so desperately wanted to push back again and again.

_It had been a summer evening, it was still warm even though it already was late into the evening. The sun was about to set, glistening over the water of Monaco, painting the city orange. It was quiet inside the house when he opened the door, trying to close the door without waking anybody. He had not anticipated hearing tiny footsteps, to see a child running down the stairs._

_“Jules! Jules!”_

_The dark-haired teenager laughed, hugging the child tightly, his hands brushing through the wild locks._

_“Charles, you should be in bed already.”_

_Charles pouted and held onto Jules, the small fingers tugging on the soft material of his shirt. He had known that Jules would visit them for his birthday, that it had been a surprise, but he had heard his father on the telephone one evening, talking to Jules about the special surprise. He could not let himself fall into the sweet arms of sleep, knowing that Jules, his best friend, someone who was like a brother to him, would arrive at some point. And when he had heard the front door, he had known that it only could have been him._

_“Couldn’t sleep…”_

_Jules laugh filled the room as he lifted the tiny boy up, making his way up the stairs._

_“I’ll get you to sleep, then. You want to be rested for your birthday, don’t you?”_

_He got his answer in form of a small nod, and he smiled when Charles cuddled closer, closing his eyes already. They laid down on the bed together, Jules having to curl up around the child to fit onto the bed better, but it did not matter to him. Having Charles in his arms was the only important thing at that moment, knowing him safe and sound._

_And there was it again. The familiar melody, the sweet words, the calmness that filled Charles’ body. The soft voice that burned into his mind, making it unable to forget him._

Making it impossible to forget Jules.

_Og hvis du bliver skræmt af vinden,_   
_så kysser jeg dig blidt på kinden._   
_Hvor du end er i fantasien,_   
_vil jeg altid være_   
_her hos dig, min kære._   
_Læg nu trygt din hånd i min._

_And if you are afraid of the wind,_   
_then I kiss you softly on your cheek._   
_Wherever you are in your fantasy,_   
_I will always be_   
_here with you, my dear._   
_Put your hand safely into mine._

“I miss Anthoine too,” Charles whispered, knowing that the man in his arms was sound asleep by now. “But not just him.”

He had not noticed how tears were running down his cheeks, how they found their way onto the sheets and the pillows. His body had found its strength again, drowning his sorrows with tears, lifting the darkness from his heart for just a short time. He knew that the pain would return, the pain of losing people close to him, but he cherished the minutes in which he could forget. In which the pain did not flood his mind.

“Why does it have to hurt so much?”

He turned around, his back now facing his sleeping friend, facing the open balcony door. The question was not directed towards anyone, seemingly flying into the air, up into the sky to meet the stars. The stars twinkled in the firmament, the moon illuminating the hotel room. He felt as if thousands and thousands of eyes were watching him, judging him, following him with every step. His mother had told him that a star was a person who had died, helping their families and friends to find their path through life. Were they between all those stars over Monza? Were they watching over him and Pierre? Were they happy with them? How their life had turned out to be?

_Under stjernerne på himlen,_   
_sejler du med mig._   
_Luk nu stille dine øjne,_   
_så er vi på vej._   
_Vi sejler over vandet_   
_og ind i drømmelandet,_   
_du og jeg._

_Beneath the stars in the sky_   
_you sail with me._   
_Close your eyes now, quietly_   
_then we are gone._   
_We sail across the water,_   
_and into dreamland,_   
_you and I_

He felt Pierre shift behind him, turning around and hugging him from behind. Being in his embrace calmed Charles down, and he found himself pushing back into the touch, finally able to close his eyes. He knew that his night would not be easy, that his mind would still be crowded with the horrible pictures of the crash. But he also knew that he was not alone, that there was someone next to him who would never leave his side. Charles felt sleep crawl closer, how it slowly pulled its dark blanket over him, drawing him in and drowning him in darkness.

Maybe, just maybe, they would meet in his dreams again.

_Drømmelandet_   
_du og jeg_

_Dreamland_   
_you and I_

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Under Stjernerne På Himlen - Tommy Seebach (Cover by Rasmus Seebach)
> 
> Translation by me


End file.
